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Wednesday, October 04, 2006 5:14 AM
Woebegone-ed Wednesday

12.14pm

the chem test today was hard. fine. it was a killer paper. even super prc cyborg wang huasheng said it was tough.

WHO WERE THEY TO SET SUCH A TOUGH PAPER

its not fair. i prayed 4 times to God to let me breeze through my EOY exams (um.. because i needed to) and he gives me this kind of rubbish.

my headache didn't help, but it didn't do much harm either. i guess i would have left just as many blanks if i had a clear head.

i want to scream, to shout, to cry and to create a big fuss, but i can't. its just my upbringing. i wasn't born to show my emotions.

now i dun even know if i can get a B3 for my final grade, let alone the A2 that was my target. the whole world's out to get me (and shawn).

to add to that tmr's physics paper would be a killer too. so said mrs ke, whoose "easy" paper half the class failed.

i guess i have to prepare for re-exams now. or worse, get ready to apeal into poly. failing that, i'd just have to look for another school to repeat sec 4. liddat ONLY.

1 bleddy year of my life wasted on repeating sec 4? no way si. I WON'T WANT TO WASTE ANOTHER YEAR OF MY LIFE JUST LIKE THAT. i want to get on with life. its passing too slowly as it is already.

on the way home, i was looking out of the window at the darkening sky and just seeing all those happy working people chionging out for lunch, and i wondered when i'd be able to lead such a stable life. right now, as in, from P6, i've been really really volatile. not sure if its the correct way to describe it, but it's the only thing that came into my mind. too much chem. anyway, i was saying, from PSLE onwards till now i really didn't (and still don't) know what i'd be doing the next year.

2003: dunno what ep3 to join. lag until i ended up joining band
2004: spent the whole year wondering whether i would go to 3P. i didn't lah, but nvm
2005: spent another year wondering whether i would go to 4P. i didn't lah, but i just scraped through this time.
2006: spent the whole of this year wondering if i have to look for another school to re-take sec 4.

the only great thing that resulted was that i joined band.

see? nothing's stable. i can't settle down or plan ahead, cuz i won't know what lies ahead for me. only god does, but he sure doesn't want me to know.

i hear others talk about what subject combi they want to take in JC, and i just zibei and die cuz i won't even know whether i'll be with them or not.

sometimes i just wonder when i'd be able to be like them.

" Just try your best and let God do the rest. "

it's not like i didn't try, or that i'm too lazy or what. i try my best, but still results don't come my way.

because cider is the elixir of life

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