doo bee doo bee doo
Saturday, January 19, 2008
2:11 PM
:S
10.09 pm
k some boring post.
this is more for myself than for you.
just close the window.
oh and this isn't an emo post,
just some self-evaluation.
random question of today:
who am i?
and actually, i don't know either.
i just seem to fade away into the background around ppl.
to put it nicely, i have such unique a personality that i can fit into any group of ppl.
but really. i'm just have no personality. just. b-o-r-i-n-g.
even augustine wong has more personality than me.
he's a geek.
i'm nobody.
i can't say i'm a bad boy, a slacker
cause where i come from.
i'm actually a mugger.
but where i am now,
i'm a total slacker.
so i'm sort of in the middle.
nowhere.
i don't know there's two sides to me.
the good guy and the bad guy.
YES I DO HAVE A GOOD GUY SIDE TO ME YOU KNOW.
presenting to me, my life.
for my eyes only
the bad.
1. shy
i don't know how you call it la.
but didn't like ppl to see me doing stuff in the past.
epitomised by this time in k1,
we had to do this aces day workout.
and i did halfway until i saw my mum watching me do
then i ran out crying and went to hide my face in shame.
i really really didn't like ppl watching me do stuff like errr this.
ironic that i joined the band and now i'm a performer hurr.
2. hot-headed
yup i had my fair share of fights.
its natural coming from a primary school with lots of gangster wannabes.
st hilda's might have churned out psle top scorers regularly,
but it had its fair share of pai kias too.
like this time there was a p3 kid with a tattoo.
or this time in p2 where a fight broke out in the class next door
and this guy got his whole shirt bloodied
worse than those in tv dramas.
yup. i fought.
and over small stuff too like there was this time.
there were this group of ppl playing soccer.
then i was walking past normally.
and then the guy shot.
the goalie missed it.
and me the helpful guy went to stop the ball on the goaline.
naturally the opposing team weren't amused.
nearly got into a fight.
haha 1 v 11 want to also can't rambo my way out one la.
i was one hot-headed small kid.
3. slack shitz.
not much different from now la.
when i went back to my primary school last time.
all the teachers rmbered me well.
i was their nightmare.
rmb last time when the teachers gave out hw
they never gave any to me.
they made me stay back during reccess to do it on the spot.
rahhhh.
got caned, screamed at, whacked. you name it i've got it.
my primary school life was basically about getting owned by teachers.
now still no difference la.
but nvm.
4. liar liar.
i lie quite often.
most of the times to my parents.
over small stuff too.
stuff like whether i've eaten breakfast
whether i've done any work today.
where i'm going
who am i going out with
what time i wake up
bla bla bla.
cause i dunno i'm just lazy la.
normally if i answer properly (i.e not model answer)
i'll be subject to a torrent of questions from them.
why this why that.
normally to save energy and time and breath.
i just lie.
don't know why.
just for convenience's sake.
i don't like it, but i still do it.
and i do it well too.
i can lie with a straight face looking at the other person right in the eye.
i can.
but i don't like it though.
5. biased.
don't know if i have the mentality that sth's bad i'll forever think that its bad.
until probably a long long time.
no better example than 07S6J.
actually i don't think its such a bad class
i'm just really biased against it for being a MAP class.
or maybe its just cause it hurt to be with another class.
i hated the class even before i saw them.
i nearly cried when i heard that i was in 6J.
i ran from salt center to jc admin block to try to change classes.
i was devastated even before i knew anyone inside.
i did anything i could to get out of 6J.
i nearly changed classes to 6G.
until i realised that it was THE OTHER map class.
i went to school on the first day of term 2 ready to hate the class.
its taken a long time to undo the psycho-ing i did to myself
a year later i just dao them.
i dont hate them anymore i just ignore.
want to talk to me, fine.
don't want then its ok too.
i can live without yall.
i'm terribly biased sometimes.
against or for, its up to what i hear to decide.
6. selfish
don't know i think sometimes i'm just an asshole
can't remember any outstanding incidents
but i just know that i'm pretty selfish sometimes.
the most eveident case was this time after band
we were playing asshole daidee.
me sean weeliang meijun mark and someone else.
then me and sean were the middle two so we could trade cards.
and then we looked at each other's hand.
and we realised that either he could give me 2 cards and get me a full house
or i could give him 2 cards and give him a straight.
but if i gave him my 2 cards i'd break up my full house.
either way only one person could have a 5 card.
i don't like losing.
so i lingered.
and he duly swapped cards with me so that i got my full house.
i won.
and he lost.
aren't i such an asshole.
7. grudges
i bear grudges.
you can ask kkh if you like.
really,
if you want me to i can dig up ALL the injustice done to me.
the table tennis umpire pissed me off
theophilus told on me that i swore during class in primary school
the vs guy who entered a tournament despite being 2 years overaged
and thrashed me in the finals.
elenderous who told my teacher that i threw a scissors in class
when i was actually holding it only.
ms doris tai who in p5 pmsed and threw me out of class for no good reason.
my auntie who stole my phone at my ah ma's house.
the same auntie who told my dad to throw me out of the house.
small stuff like this.
i remember.
rwar.
8. self-conscious
i really am self-conscious.
which is probably why i keep touching my shirt
or keep most of my views to myself.
cause i don't want anything to go wrong.
to screw myself up or make myself throw face.
i think i just don't like to look bad.
i don't know what image i want to project to others either.
i don't want to be the bad boy.
but i don't want to be a goody two shoes either.
maybe that's why i make myself sound more slack than i really am.
which is also why i told mr thomas that i was on the com that's why i slept late.
when i was actually doing my gp outline presentation.
i got scolded, but it makes me feel better.
):
9. rule breaking
rules are meant to be broken.
haha i really hate rules and regulations.
everytime my parents give me some form of curfew.
i'll just go home like 15-30 mins late.
just for the heck of it.
maybe its to show them that i'm not such a good boy or sth.
i don't know, i just do it.
maybe its why i want to be a pilot too.
cause pilots don't have 9-5 working hours.
there's no fixed schedule for the year.
you fly when you have to (i guess)
its probably also why i won't get married.
cause i don't want to be home by a fixed time everyday.
i want to stay out late.
to wake up late.
go out with anybody i want.
i just want freedom.
ah ok i have a deprived childhood.
10. hypocritical
as you can see.
there are 2 sides to me.
hey it rhymes.
haha but anw.
shows that i'm hypocritical [proven]
like sometimes i hear yongjie niao athena.
niao athena loser fac
niao fac dance.
niao guo jie.
and it really pisses me off.
niao your own fac also can't niao in such a derogatory manner what.
since you can't help it,
live with it.
but then again,
i do the same with 6J.
):
11. humzi
that's why i don't say a lot of bad stuff to ppl
or give my opinions.
cause don't know perpetual fear that in the end it'll all come back to haunt me.
ironic that i'm presenting a gp essay outline,
question: judge others not, so that you may not be judged.
its roughly the same idea.
you shut up and everything's fine.
maybe that's the problem with me.
i don't want to be taken noticed of.
just be forgotten and left alone.
sounds emo but i'm really fine with that sometimes.
there're more bad stuff abt me.
but i can't rmb atm.
haha opps.
the good.
great.
i'm stuck.
for 26 minutes already.
ok shall just spam.
1. musically inclined
not musically talented per se (HAH some augustine wong cheemlogy here),
just inclined.
i must be what.
after skipping so many practices and procrastinating
i still get distinctions all throughout my 10 year piano learning journey.
2. competitive
wayyyyyy too competitive for my own good.
err only applies to sports.
who cares if i lose to someone else in studies?
sports was another thing altogether though.
maybe that's why i was always the PE teacher's favourite.
i hated losing.
always pushed myself to unknown heights just to avoid losing.
maybe that's why i was in track.
that's probably why i was made table tennis captain.
seems to run in the family though.
my smaller sis happens to be captain too (:
haha rmb this time i lost this table tennis competition
i just ran out of the school crying and complaining.
it was some other unknown school haha.
don't know i just don't like losing.
da xian saw me playing frisbee during FOS
and told me that its great that i have such passion for frisbee.
but its not just that.
i love frisbee (and sixoh)
but i just don't like losing.
i'd do the same playing any other sport.
yelling and cursing and running my lungs out.
oh maybe except for golf.
3. mr nice guy
sometimes.
i used to give up my seat on the bus regularly.
until one day this stupid woman rejected me.
and i stopped giving up my seat.
cause really really paiseh.
i don't like to be rejected esp when doing a good deed.
ah and i stopped eating in the band room liao.
cause rujun's a good friend
and since he's the mwo,
i don't want to make life difficult for him.
so i try hard to stop eating in the band room.
there're some great teachers too.
that make me try hard just because of them.
ronnie quek, ken yeow, alvin low.
just some of them.
4. trustworthy
not sure if its the correct word to use.
but i rarely break promies.
that's why i don't make promises often
cause i don't like breaking them and causing trouble for everyone.
the only time i rmb
was when i pangseh-ed someone to go mug with marcus.
oh this doesn't apply to my parents though.
i always break my promies to them.
but then again.
they always force to promise impossible stuff.
5. sensitive
i certainly know when not to pick on what topics
i hope.
maybe cause i don't say much,
but i don't think i'd raise topics that make ppl feel uncomfortable.
6. sentimental
yup stuff do have sentimental values for me.
like how i sleep with my stuffed monkey
cause its the first present i received from my parents
for getting the first of my distinctions for piano.
its been 8 years alrdy.
i still use it as my bolster.
yup stuff like that.
often when i throw away stuff i have to harden my heart
cause i don't like to throw away stuff ppl gimme.
but most of the time it clutters up my room and after a few years
i have no choice but to throw them away.
its just too bad.
7. open-minded
i have the unique ability to laugh at myself.
enough said.
ah i can't think abt anymore.
i'm also not very comfortable thinking of myself so highly.
i don't like to be the good guy.
shall stop here.
and to all the assholes who've read all the way until here
don't bring this up to anyone anywhere anytime anyhow.
you want to read, read and then just forget it.
sensitive issues.
if you bring it up
i will get pissed.
trust me.
because cider is the elixir of life